Script Writing Review

Script Review:

First Draft

Strengths:

I have got a lot of dialogue in my script as this is something I am strong at. I think I have captured the range of emotions felt by each character throughout the scenes. For example, when Joy believes that Pete is secretly married, she starts to call him Peter and her sentences become shorter. "Joy: So what's your one called then? Don't think I'm stupid, Peter, I can work it out. We should never have trusted you, you're all just the same! Well guess what! I will not be your floozie! Two weeks training? Yeah right you're just going back to see your wife!" I have also tried to represent different voices by trying to add in little bits of ideolect, for example Jerry always says "it is" or "you know" at the end of his speech. I think this makes the characters seem more realistic and gives them their own individual personalities.

I think I have got a good structure. It is quite fast paced. There are two opening scenes where the audience get to know a bit about Joy, Dimp, Pete and Jerry and then by the 3rd scene, the characters meet for the first time, so it all happens quite fast. There is a big build up of tension in the middle from when Billy kisses Joy, Dimp tells Jerry that Joy is cheating on Peter, Jerry doesn't want to tell Peter but finally gives in, then when Peter finds out there is a huge argument between Peter and Joy before Peter goes away to China. In China, Jerry and Peter get thrown over board in a storm. Then neither the audience or Joy knows whether they are alive. Joy then finds out that it is Dimp's fault that Peter thinks she has been unfaithful and she ends up falling out with her too. It as if everything keeps going wrong and it seems for a while like there is no way there could be a positive outcome. My play is not a tragedy so there is a happy ending. I had to make the structure of the play fast paced because I have a big story to tell in a limited amount of time. I think this makes the play more exciting to watch/read as you are hit with a lot of action, rather than waiting around for the main story to get going.

I feel like I have created a range of characters with different personalities. Dimp is shy and unlucky in love, Joy is confident, beautiful and popular. Jerry is married but still messes around and doesn't really take life seriously, he can't understand why Peter cares so much for one girl but at the end of the day he realises how happy she makes him and doesn't want to hurt his friend. I think it is important to create a range of different characters to make the story more realistic but also because different people in the audience will be able to identify with different things in each character's personalities.

Areas That Need Developing: 

I need to improve the representation of the relationship between Joy and Pete. At the moment I feel like too much of it happens off stage and I need to display it on stage. I thought about things that people look for in a relationship and ways to show your love/affection for someone else. I came up with three things. The first one is to stand up for them, I have included this sort of already in scene 7 when John starts to get aggressive towards Joy when she doesn't want to take him back so Pete puts him in his place. However at the moment I think Pete is too violent, for example: "Peter: Now you listen to me, boy. You leave Joy alone alright? If I ever see you come round here again I'll knock you straight out, okay?" I think he needs to be less violent because I don't think girls would be impressed by threats, especially in the 1950s when my play is set. The second thing I want to add to my script is a scene with the couple confiding in each other. This would show that they trust each other but also that they listen to each other and this would make their relationship more convincing. The last thing is also something I have already started to do. I want to add a scene where they give/recieve a gift. I have started this already in scene 8 when Pete gives Joy a necklace, however I want to develop it so that there is more of a build up to the moment he gives it to her to show it is an important part in their relationship.

I need to finish my script in the final draft so that the story is complete. I am not sure exactly how to end it yet, either with the proposal or the wedding itself. Ending it with a wedding would give it that fairy tale "happy ever after" feeling but it might also be quite cheesy, whereas a propsal shows that they want to be together but also leaves the story more open. What will their friends/family think? Will anyone else try and get in their way?

The last thing I need to do is focus on staging a lot more. At the moment I have a clear image of what I want to happen but I am not writing it down on the page, expecting readers to know how I imagine it when of course thats impossible. So for instance I need to give more information about characters when they first enter, what they look like, what they are wearing and what they are like. I also need to think about positioning more so using "USL, DSR" etc as this would be easier for a director to understand my vision and also for actors to get a better idea of how to perform and create these characters on stage. 

Final Draft:

I decided to alter scene 12 after a few people who read it thought that it wasn't very realistic and I have to say I agree. In my first draft, Dimp saw Billy kiss Joy so decided to ring up Pete at the navy base to tell him what happened. Pete wasn't there so instead she left the message with another sailor who eventually spread it round to everyone else on the base. "The lights go down. After a few seconds a soundtrack plays of men talking to each other. It is the sailors gossiping about Peter being cheated on by the girl he couldn't stop talking about." First of all it is very unrealistic for men to gossip like that, especially in a navy base where they would be very busy and wouldn't have time to worry about stuff like that and also it probably would have been very hard for Dimp to find the number for the navy base, especially as it was quite far away from where she lived. Instead I have changed it to Dimp writing a letter to Jerry about what she saw. Writing a letter fits in a lot more with the era of the play (50s) and writing to Jerry fits more into her personality. Dimp is not a horrible person, she's just upset and confused about her feelings. She chooses to write to Jerry as they had a connection at the beginning and also because she doesn't really want to hurt Pete.

I changed the part in scene 7 where Pete confronts Johnny because I felt that Pete came across as too violent. The purpose of this encounter was to show Pete standing up for Joy but I don't think she would be impressed if Pete was so agressive in fact it might scare her off. This is the original version: Peter: Now you listen to me, boy. You leave Joy alone alright? If I ever see you come round here again I'll knock you straight out, okay?" I don't think this line really fits in with his personality as he is portrayed as a caring, loving guy. I have now changed it to: "Pete: Now you listen to me, boy! I don’t want to see you around here, giving Joy or any other girl grief, ok? Johnny: Oh yeah? And what are you going to do about it? Pete (Grabs Johnny by the shirt.) Don’t make me do anything." Although it is still authoritive it is not agressive and it shows that he cares about her as well as the rest of her friends which is something Joy would really appreciate.

I have now got an ending for my script. I decided to end it with Pete proposing to Joy. I thought this was a better ending than a wedding because it would have to jump too much in time and also could make it seem quite cheesy.

Rosas Danst Rosas Review

Rosas Danst Rosas was originally choreographed in 1983 by Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker. It was performed by 4 dancers from the Rosas company. In the 1997 film, which was directed by Thierry De Mey, there were 18 dancers, including Anne herself. 

The film is set in an abandoned school in Belgium, this makes the film site specific. The dancers, all women, perform in the empty classrooms and corridors. Their costumes are grey over sized shirts with black skirts, this makes it seem like a uniform which relates to the school setting. The costumes are dull and shapeless and this reminds me of something you would expect to wear in a prison or mental health institute. 

Repetitive, minimalist, pedestrian and abstract styles are frequent throughout the entire 1 hour 40 minute film (the stage version was only 8 minutes long). This is a signature style for Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker and the Rosas company, as a year before Rosas Danst Rosas debuted, Anne choreographed another dance called Fase, which was praised for its repetitive and minimalist movements. The dance is split up into 8 sections, Moving In, Floor, Chairs, Building, Glass, Lying Down, Inner Court and Coda. However, I will be focusing on only 4 sections, Floor, Chairs, Glass and. 

The key actions in the Floor section are roll, push up, arch, fall, breathing in and out and fragmentation. It begins with an establishing shot of four of the women standing with their backs to the camera. You can hear their footsteps as they each run through the corridor to the window, this is effective as its it creates quite an intense atmosphere. It is filmed behind a window frame and as it pans it look as if someone is eerily watching them move. 

The dancers stay still for a moment, then suddenly all drop to the floor in unison. There is no music so you hear them all crash and this causes quite an impact. The camera changes to a close up of the dancers on the floor. they roll, push up and contract all in unison. You can hear them all breathing which adds to the intensity I mentioned before. This whole section is 8 minutes long. At the start of the piece is very slow but the movements suddenly become very fast. I think the use of extremes of speed was made very effective with the use of close ups as this built up the tension. There was then a long moment of stillness which created suspense before the dancers sped up again. 

Dance For Camera

Initial Idea

The song I will be using is "Shatter Me" by Lindsey Stirling and Lzzy Hale, however I will be using the instrumental version. The song sounds very mystical and fairy - like. 

My idea is to have three girls aged around 10/11 to dance together in a park. They will all wear pink floaty dresses with their hair in two buns and glitter on their faces so that they look like fairies. I have decided on fairies because I think it fits the sound of the music and will make it look magical and mystical. I am using the park because it has connotations of innocence and child hood and these are themes I would like to convey through my dance. This is also why I have chosen to use younger performers. I have to be careful with my chosen location of a park as I could accidentally film other children without their paren't permission. Luckily there is a small park near my house than no one goes to very often as there is a bigger park near by. 

The style will be ballet/contemporary. It starts off very floaty and dainty but the music builds up to make the dance more powerful and strong. 

Costume Design - Sketch book order

The Brief:
-Concept

Research:
-London Fashion Week & the fashion industry 
-Concept
-The Play         Can get these from script
-Character

Initial Designs:
-Colour
-Fabric
-Drawings
-Costume Plot
-Fabric costing 
-Suitability

Other Considerations:
-Make up
-Hair / Wigs
-Accessories 
-Shoes
-Socks

Final Designs:
- Colour Drawings
- Actor's Measurements 
- Fabric Drawings
- Close Ups / Detailed Drawings
- Whole costume costings
- Front and back drawings
- Analysis
- Evaluation 

Careers & Training - Auditions Evaluation

Electra:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYvB71quMe4&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-&index=15


The first thing we had to do in our Electra audition was to chose a mask. We had to then look at it and imagine a character based from this. My character was a 20 something year old man who was very geeky, goofy and awkward. I chose this character because my mask had two teeth sticking out which made him look goofy and he also had an awkward smile. 

Next we had to walk around like our character and over exaggerate their movements. I decided that my character walked with his shoulders leading, arms down stiff and taking long strides as if he was tall and lanky. After watching back the video I think I could have developed his movements a lot more than I did. Perhaps sticking my shoulders out really far, taking wider steps and even swinging my arms. I don't think I stood out in this part of the audition as much as I could have done.
Then we had to put the masks on and walk across the room in character. I found this difficult as I had my glasses on underneath which caused the mask to slip down meaning I couldn't see where I was going. This distracted me a lot from my movements. If I was to do that part again I would have taken my glasses of and also have walked slower to show that my character was shy, geeky and awkward. 

Next we had to one by one go and stand in a position we think our character would be in if they were in a crowd. I decided to go towards the back as my character wasn't a confident enough person to be at the front. I put my shoulders up as this is something many people do when they are nervous. I also put my arms in front of my body and held my hands together as if I was shielding myself from other people. I think I conveyed the nervous character quite well. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kMrWScdhOA&index=16&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-

Next we had to get into pairs and each read a part of one of the scenes from Electra. The scene we had was when Orestes reveals himself to Electra, who thinks he is dead and is on her way to bury his "ashes". I worked with Natalie. I played Electra and she was Orestes. I think we did well but we should have moved more. For instance when I say "don't take this away from me" it doesn't make sense because we should have been fighting over the urn. I think I should have had a less happy tone at the start when Electra is starting to believe it could be her brother, I should have been more suspicious and cautious. I also needed to be louder at the end as it isn't very clear what I am saying. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwyzF8gifB4&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-&index=17

After this we repeated the scene, once in modern day language and once in mime. We then were set an extra challenge to do it using the masks, we had not rehearsed it with them. 

I think I portrayed Electra's emotions well in the first run (modern day language). She was upset and lashed out at the person who was bugging her as this was a very personal and upsetting moment for her. Electra is a harsh and blunt person anyway and I think I portrayed this. However at the end we lost our way a little bit and this caused a few noticeable pauses. I think I could have done better if I was more confident and comfortable with the story and character then I could have improvised better. 

In the version where we just used mime, I think I used facial expressions well. The story still seemed clear even though we couldn't use words. I think I needed to make the mime of me holding the urn stronger as my arms kept on moving about. Sometimes it was bigger sometimes it was smaller. I should have created a clearer picture of it in my head to help me really believe I was holding something because I don't think that was very believable. 

The final task of using the masks did throw us all at first because it was something we hadn't rehearsed and I wasn't very experienced in using masks. It is a lot harder because you can't use words or facial expressions to tell the story it is all on your gestures and movements. I learnt from earlier to not wear my glasses underneath so this time I could see properly. I think I used my body well to tell the story. For instance I put my hand out to Natalie as if to say "no" and "leave me alone".  It is obvious through my body language that at first my character feels negative towards hers. When I realise who he really is I put my hands over my mouth to represent shock and disbelief and then fling myself towards Orestes to embrace him. To improve I think we should have made this piece a bit longer, playing out the disbelief Electra feels for longer as this seems to be the shortest version we did. I think this boils down to our lack of experience/confidence with the masks. 

Overall I was happy with my audition. I think I performed well and I also learnt a lot about mask work, Greek theatre and the story of Electra. 

Cats:

Singing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFvS18KIGZo&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-&index=56

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EYi0iu--20&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9-&index=53

I was ill at the time of auditions so for this reason I don't feel that I sang as well as I could have. I think a strength of mine in both of my songs is that I sung accapella but I managed to keep in the same key throughout. In Buenos Aries I didn't remember the last part of the song so I stopped earlier than intended. It didn't effect the performance too much but I personally would have liked to have got to the end as it had a bigger finish. In Pharaoh's Story there were a few notes that I didn't quite hit especially at the end, I think I would have been okay with these if I was not ill. 

Dancing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJD4M8WiYe8&index=40&list=PLl8RU1N6TfpJpZWLRF3dBzBufipRHux9

I think a strength in my dance audition was my big movements and pointed feet. I kept my head out towards the audience which is good for me as I tend to lose confidence or feel embarrassed and look down at the floor but this time I wanted to use my face to portray the sassy attitude that comes with the song Macavity. A weakness in this dance is that I don't always kick my legs as high or as straight as I could do and sometimes my shoulders are up, these are things I need to improve before the show.

Careers & Training Timeline

Job: Script Writer

Training: It is not essential to have a degree for this job but you will learn a lot of skills on the course which will inevitably help you a lot. (the guardian.com, 13/04/11, An insider's guide to becoming a screenwriter,  http://careers.theguardian.com/insiders-guide-to-becoming-screenwriter, accessed on 3/2/15) 

Here is a university course I could do: http://courses.bournemouth.ac.uk/courses/undergraduate-degree/scriptwriting-for-film-television/ba-hons/34/course_information-course_overview/
It is a bachelors degree in script writing at Bournemouth University. It would take 3-4 years to complete.

After Graduating: After graduating I could stay at Bournemouth University to do the postgraduate degree. http://courses.bournemouth.ac.uk/courses/postgraduate-degree/scriptwriting/none/3400/ or I could go somewhere more prestigious such as Central, who offer an MA in script writing.  http://www.cssd.ac.uk/course/writing-stage-and-broadcast-media-ma-mfa. The course at Bournemouth would take 1 year whereas you can do up to 2 years on the Central course.

After finishing my degree(s) I would have started to build a portfolio. I would then need to start sending off scripts to producers. A good place to start is BBC Writersroom. (theguardian.com, 13/04/11, An insider's guide to becoming a screenwriter, http://careers.theguardian.com/insiders-guide-to-becoming-screenwriter, accessed on 3/2/15) This is because they accept unsolicited scripts.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/send-a-script

You would have to send more than one script to lots of different companies until you get noticed. Once you get noticed you could work for a company such as BBC or ITV writing for soaps like Eastenders or Coronation Street or getting your own original dramas produced.

Script writing is not always a stable job so you might have to get a day job and write in the evenings or on your days off, especially when you're starting out. (theguardian.com, 21/08/14, How do I become...a script writer, http://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/oct/21/how-do-i-become-scriptwriter, accessed on 3/2/15)

Jennyanydots Character Analysis

Jennyanydots is described as the mother figure of the group. She is very protective of the kittens. She is caring and kind and her mothering nature stretches to more than just the kittens. She also looks after the mice and cockroaches. Her family thinks she is lazy but actually she is very productive and makes the mice do crocheting and tatting and teaches the cockroaches to tap dance.

I have decided that my character could be an older model or designer who is very respected in the fashion world but who looks after the younger up and coming models and helps them to improve and find work. This is similar to model Tyra Banks who presents America's Next Top Model.

Jennyanydots is an older cat. I have decided to base her costume on Zandra Rhodes who is an older designer. She has a flamboyant and outrageous fashion sense and I think this fits in with my character as she doesn't act like an old cat.

The original Jennyanydots costume is mainly yellow and orange so I want to keep this colour scheme in my costume.

Here are some London Fashion Week designs that have these colours

Roksanda

Burberry 

Obscure Corture

At the start of the song "Gumbie Cat" she wears a fat suit. I thought I could re create this but by wearing a fur coat as this fits in with the fashion context. Obviously it will be orange to fit in with my colour scheme